For Lent this year

Having only realised it was Ash Wednesday yesterday, rather late last night whilst still working, I have made a decsion. This year I shall not be giving anything up. I barely eat chocolate anyway, alcohol would be rubbish as it's my birthday this weekend and giving up tea turns me into an addict in withdrawal and VERY unpleasant to be near. Plus I don't see how any of that makes me a better person which is the point of fasting/self denial etc. No, I shall take something up instead.

Back in the days when I worked in an office, which feels like a lifetime ago to be honest despite it only being just over a year, I used to take up being nicer people. The first 5 people I saw every day I had to say something nice to. Bearing in mind that I worked with academics by the time I got to the 3rd person of the day this was starting to become a struggle but it was worth it. In the long run. I think. However, these days it's mostly me on my own, hubby, the kids and the dogs. And that got me thinking.

I have not been that pleaseant to be around recently. I work too much, too late and rarely have an evening off. I loose my tempter more easily than is normal for me and I am not eating very healthly - and neither are the children to be fair- or getting enough sleep. So I am going to look after myself better. Well at least try to.

This may come across as selfish but it really isn't. If I am healthier, less tired, allow myself time to relax and do the fun creative things I have not done for at least 8 months I will be happier. That will make me a lot more pleasant to be around for my family as I am less likely to be irritable, short tempered, knackered and not feeling quite like myself therefore loosing my temper at the drop of a hat.  As a mother, and a self employed one at that, I do tend to put me last. But if I make myself ill I am no use to my children, my animals, my husband or my clients. I need to make time for the things that are important to me.

So there you go. In the spirit of Lententide I shall endeavour to become a slightly better person to be around.

A little retro love

A client came round the other day with one of these. I had to dig out an old laptop so that I could even get the right data off it but it sparked a little nostalgia, not just for me but on twitter too, as well as the general consensus for an alternative use!

The ones with my cup of tea on are, i hasten to add, my own that I went and dug out of a drawer and NOT my clients!!!

My Oven

My oven and I have a slightly strained relationship it has to be said. I want it to bake my cakes and roast my Sunday lunch and it wants to get things done as quickly as possible. It only has one temperature, which is ON - although it should be a bit more variable than that - and it likes things to be burnt round the edges but raw in the middle. I do not.

To be fair I don't really clean it, that would be way too icky, and I maybe slam the door a little too hard so perhaps it's just taken the hump with me and decided to not work properly. It was also free when I got it. A friend of mine had her kitchen redone and 2 eye level double ovens fitted so my little mini range spent a bit of time in her garden before being stuffed in the back of my car (it just fitted and the boot didn't quite close) and transported to my Mother in Laws garage in Shropshire. It spent some time in there too before being brought back to Leicestershire and finally installed in my kitchen about 2 years ago. Perhaps it's just sulking at the neglect.

But I have now got a man out to clean it in noxious chemicals, scrub it within an inch of its life and generally spruce up the whole cooker. Hopefully that will make it work and make me less embarrassed about opening the door when there are other people in my house. If not, I have the number of a man who can get me new parts and fix it.

Coz even if it doesn't like me, I am rather fond of it.

Yep. It's the first pair of new shoes this year!

Ok I know these aren't the best photos of them but you get that they are orange, high heeled, with pink and blue polka dots and a rather massive beige bow on the fronts. You also can see the quite frankly awesome little feet pictures on the soles that leave little indents in the ground as you walk (on mud for example or in the kids sandpit) and make it look like little pixies have been following you around!

They are not that mad really - I have many more insane pairs - but I think these will work out and get worn quite a lot this year. They have already been on a vintage Valentine's date on a steam train dining service with hubby and drew envious looks from the more sedate passengers.

And they were bought from a client too. Yep, I have a client who is as into shoes as me - yipee!!!!

So far so good.....mostly

Well 2011 has already given me quite a few nice surprises! It seems like him upstairs at least read my previous post about it all here and sent a few much needed breaks in our direction. A few serve as a half decent excuse for my absence, despite my intentions, from here!

Firstly we inherited some money which we were not expecting to in the least! It wasn't masses but it was enough to clear the credit card and go for a much needed night out with hubby. Then our wonderful accountant got us out of having to pay a tax bill this year AND also got as a decent tax rebate too- I think I may actually love him! So there went the car loan, the other loan and a bit put by towards the inevitable tax bill next January. You can see I really know how to live it up and celebrate in style, all rock n'roll here.

My business has also stepped up a notch and I'm now pretty much full, have no time for myself, am a bit rushed round the kids as I know how much I should be doing instead of making castles and space rockets out of loo rolls and cereal packets and generally feeling busy. Blogging of course, as a none income earner and being particularly self indulgent, gets put on the bottom of the to do list. I'm working on that too and have bought myself one of those mobile internet dongle thingys with the intention of heading off to a local cafe to write. Haven't managed to actually go to one yet though! Ah well. All I really need is an extra 3 hours a day and the ability to survive and feel refreshed with naff all sleep and then I'll be fine.

Walking

You see a lot of the beauty in nature when you have a dog (or 2) to walk. This one is when we were visiting family in Surrey at the weekend.

Comfy wellies and other things that make me happy

I have been thinking, after yesterday's all too brief elation, about all the other little things in my life that make me happy. Not the big important things that are there for the long run like my marriage, my kids, my family and my collection of Irregular Choice shoes, but the little objects or things about me that have the ability to lift my spirits when things seem a bit much.

Fairly close to the top of this list is the fact that I have both new insoles in and new socks for my wellies. This will probably come across as odd to most people but let me explain an important fact. I have 2 dogs. They require walking and at this time of year that usually means in mud and wellies are essential to this exercise. I love my wellies anyway, they are pink, Joules and slightly imperfect which just adds to their charm. Every time I take a step the broken buckle on the side of the right boot jangles slightly and adds a little panache to my walking (or so I like to think anyway!). However, they have been becoming increasingly uncomfortable to walk in for any distance since the onset of the snow. I should explain that one of my dogs is a collie at this juncture and she needs A LOT of exercise to stop her getting bored and generally make her the happy, slightly bonkers dog she is and we adore. I can tell you that the afore mentioned insoles and socks (also bright pink btw) have made them all comfy again!! I admit that at this time of year its rarely me doing the big, long dog walk as I don't like walking them in the dark at 6am round fields I can't see them properly in and through a decidedly dodgy underpass with really unimaginative graffiti that is the only route to said fields, that's my OH's job. But I still take them when I can and it's daylight. I'm really looking forward to our late spring through to early autumn walks when the 6am duty is mine again, more so now my wellies are comfy and have the ability to carry me to some clear headspace and not be absorbed by how many more times I can say ouch under my breathe in between steps.

Other things that are improving my smile factor are my heated rollers, a bright green jumper I bought for a barginous £2 and when my dishcloths are really absorbent at mopping up the leaky kitchen tap. I think I better stop listing these little things publicly now though, as I'm starting to realise just how sad a person I am and that was not my reason for starting this blog up again!!!

My house is clean!!! Like properly!!!!

This is a picture of my kitchen floor. It is actually, properly clean for the first time since I started my business. That's a bit embarrassing to admit as no one wants to admit how much they haven't got round to the housework but running the business, looking after the kids and having 2 dogs and 2 cats as well as a husband have meant that cleaning the kitchen floor has decidedly NOT been a priority.

But today something has happened that has, if not changed my life, but definitely saved my mental health. My cleaner started.

That is not an over dramitisation at all. I hate having a messy or dirty house but I have had to admit that I really can't do everything and not have some sort of breakdown in a big way. I know some women who manage this fine and that's brilliant for them. I am big enough to say that I really can't cope. And I have now done something about it after dreaming of it for 4 years.

Walking back into a perfectly clean, tidy house has just lifted my spirits after a somewhat shitty and confusing start to the New Year. I know the kids will trash it in about 10 minutes (if not less!) and that the dogs/cats/boots of the household will render it a memory by the end of tomorrow but do you know what? She's coming again next Saturday too, so it will be wonderful all over again.

I actually love Liz, I really do. And I told her that before she left. I am going to buy her all the nice cleaning products that she would like and her own special 'Houskeeper's Box' of the retro style to keep them all in. Ok that is just an excuse coz I've wanted one for ages. But still the thought is there :)

I will actually happily go without new shoes for the rest of this year so I can pay for her. And that is saying something!!!!

On course

Oops!!

Yep I've done it already and it's only the 3rd January!!! I've broken one of my resolutions already, although to be fair I had maybe set the bar quite high with this one!

I was going to not shout at the children so much. But then the fighting, whinging and hitting each other began and out of the window went the reasonable tone of voice etc. I'm not on top form either and with the lack of sleep and inability to pay the mortgage this month I let rip. I know I shouldn't have done but there is no point regretting what has already happened and can't be changed. I shall strive to do better as it really isn't their fault and I shouldn't let myself take it out on them - they are only little.

I must implement flow theory in all aspects of my life, work on that counting to 10 thing that I struggle with and then I and they will be much happier. I should also pay more attention rather than trying to do at least 3 things at once. All very easy to say but somewhat more difficult to actually do. Anyway, here's to having another go at that resolution :)

I think too much

Dark and drear have been the caves of winter
within my heart.
The now sparkling light on sparkling days
has blinded my dulled eyes
and sharpened my pains,
but thrown warmth into my dreams.

Spring is calling. But crisp winter still rules
beautiful in her frosted capes and
snowy fields,
and dark though they be,
they give me the solitude I crave.

2011 - You better be an improvement on 2010!

Last year had a couple of really high points, foremost of which was going fully self employed at the start of February, but mostly it was crap. And then it got really crap. I don't wish to dwell on the why's and wherefore's as I'm generally a positive, forward looking kinda' gal but seriously 2011, you better be worth all the hard slog of 2010.

I have cleaned and tidied my house and office, I have a cleaner starting very soon (business goal number 1 achieved and to hell with the mortgage!) and the dogs are mostly getting on. My youngest should magically stop having tantrums as soon as she turns 3 this year (I can but believe) and I will get a break with the nursery costs thereafter. The business is in shape to really push forward and I am sill married to the best person in the world to cope with me. I'm starting you off on the right foot you see.

So 2011, don't fuck up.